but without the dark
Today is not one of my favorite days and I am sitting here, in my bed, trying to express something, but I have a Beagle in my arms, frightened by the crackling and popping sound of fire works being set off in the distance. I opened my laptop with mixed emotion and the need to purge my thoughts, now they go to this little dog we rescued and was abused and he continues to live in fear despite all of the love and safety he receives from me. My thoughts seem silly at this point. I wonder if he will ever be comfortable; feeling safe and secure and no one will hurt him – I wonder… as I reached to caress him and he cowers before he realizes I am offering him love- again.
Isn’t that what we all want- Love? Acceptance, safety, comfort, happiness and joy. In this crazy world of chaos it is hard to tune out the turmoil around us and look for it sitting in our own laps. This poor little pup that nobody wanted; he was the last of his litter and was given away because no one bought him. I have a copy of the photo and caption that said “Last One Left”. I remember seeing that photo on my nephew’s Facebook and feeling deep melancholy for that little pup; the one that nobody wanted. My nephew gave him away to “a friend” that for 7 months kept him caged, in the dark, beat him and left him alone for days at a time and then beat him some more for the relieving himself in his cage. I hate to think about it, but I did not want anymore animals when I saw the photo “Last One Left”. When will he know that he is loved, accepted, safe and secure? Now I ask myself the same question.
While everyone is out celebrating our Memorial Day holiday, shooting off fire works, I comfort this Beagle as he comforts me on this mirthless day. Memorial Day always marked the beginning of my week-long celebration of my impending birthday; now it is just the recognition of one of the greatest losses of my life and the departure of my childhood as I said goodbye to one of my bestest friends- my Mother. This holiday and my birthday lost all of its joy this day and it takes every ounce of my marrow to press on, keep my vibration high; keep walking the walk and talking the talk, being a messenger of positivity and light. I am still human and I still miss her; I will always miss her and I allow myself this moment to mourn, but I do not let it stop me from living a fantastic and full life.
I am opening myself up to let more love in and be vulnerable for a change. I am taking me own advice from this week’s cards; be vulnerable, nurture myself, sit in a place of loving receptivity, make space for miracles, wait for an important sign or message and go with the flow. I took decisive action to enjoy my birthday this coming weekend with the hopes of celebrating in a way that I had been closed off to for far too long. This is my first step in moving forward. I want more, I want Love and now I am going to hug a Beagle. xoxo Kim