A different look at the #METOO movement – Women victimizing Women
With Jupiter in Scorpio still illuminating the hidden things that we do not speak about; the emergence of the #METOO movement, I recently spoke about how the majority of the female population has been victimized. Most will immediately default to a misogynistic victimization; male/female abuse of some sort. The one thing that keeps lingering in my mind all week is woman on woman victimization.
It is not as in your face, per se, in the form of physical abuse (in most cases) in the likes that we have seen displayed in the media; it is subtle, hidden, secret and it exists! I am speaking of women not only being unsupportive of other women, but down right bullying and mental intimidation.
I was thinking about all the stories I hear from my female friends telling me about how they are treated out in the world; at their places of employment by their female bosses or co-workers, by their other female friends and family members, at school, in the playground and in the super market or the malls. Stories about being treated unfairly; mean girl style. If you have not seen the movie “Mean Girls”, indulge yourself and you will understand where I am going with this topic. If you have seen the movie, no matter your age, I will bet money that you laughed, you may have cried, and you just may have thought “Me Too”. It is about how girls torture other girls, how they exclude them, taunt them, gossip about them, tell lies about them; flat out bullying for the sake of boosting their own self esteem.
This girl on girl hatred may first be experienced in the home at an early age. Sisters, Mothers, Aunts, Cousins, Grandmother’s, Nieces; any feminine dynamic in the early childhood home. Teasing, fighting, power struggles due to insecurities and lack of strong nurturing set the foundation for the child. The first encounter may happen at school or the playground, when initial friendships are formed; this of course goes back to low self esteem and insecurities that stem from improper nurturing and guidance from the home. Many times, girls that were bullied when they were young end up becoming the bullies in the boardroom. This is how they are fighting against their early childhood tormentors and taking back their power; they in turn bully in the work place. It is a vicious cycle that must be broken. I hear these stories and I think back to the times where girls or women have tried to bully and intimidate me (it still happens every day of my life), I have my own boundaries on how to handle these situations – some are easier than others.
The reason why I had to write this blog is because I heard a heartbreaking story today of a little girl that was elated to be celebrating her 8th birthday. She dressed in pink and white, head to toe, and donned a special satin birthday sash across her little body and a unicorn headband, to celebrate her special day at school. Her Mother took her picture; her overjoyed smile and crinkle of her eyes captured her happiness. Still carrying her delight on her sleeve like a badge, she skipped into her classroom blissfully ready to celebrate her birthday with the class and most importantly, her best friend. The “best friend” instantly told the little girl that she looked ugly and stupid in her birthday outfit. Even though the other little girls in the classroom gathered around the birthday girl reassuring her that she looked fabulous and they thought she was the most special girl that day; beautiful, funny and smart, the “best friend” continued to debase her. Birthday girl continued to be gleeful, announcing that any other little girl that would like to borrow the sash and unicorn headband was more than welcome when their birthday came around. “Best Friend continued to berate. At the end of the day, the little birthday girl’s Mother found the sash crumpled and torn inside of her lunch box; stained by her leaking juice – the headband broken in two.
I heard this story first hand from the Mother of the little birthday girl and my heart broke. The Mother handled it as beautifully as she could, and the little girl still carries kindness in her heart; very wise for her age. All day, at work, I sat in contemplation of this sad situation that opened my mind and my eyes. I started observing my day in the actions and energy that play out, on a daily basis, in my own workplace, in my previous workplaces, school, home and with previous friendships. Women bully women, girls torment girls – EVERY DAY! If this occurs in your place of employment I am sure you are not exempt; unless you are the bully. Maybe the Universe has guided me into these situations so that I can become kinder and more compassionate? I witness women being targeted and ostracized every day and they have to live with it because they need the money; they must support their own lives and their families. They live with it in silence because we do not live in a society where openness is excepted. I personally have witnessed this around me time and time again; the whistle blower or rebel gets fired or tormented she is forced to quit, and the bully continues to thrive. Companies and Corporations reward the bullies of our workplaces for the sake of a bottom line. I feel the worst part of the “Mean Girl” scenario is the bully will usually get other mean girls to buy into their little game as a means to boost their righteousness and ego.
I experience this every day; 10 hours a day. Insecure women that do not support each other. They betray each other with gossip and bullying. Unfortunately, my boss is the ring leader. Imagine being reprimanded in your annual evaluation for being too friendly and cheerful; yes, three years running that is only negative comment in my review. How does one respond to that? “Um, sorry, I will try to be as nasty as you?” Luckily for me, I do have excellent performance and that is never an issue. I am aware of the overwhelming insecurities held by others, especially around other powerful women, but these bullies lie and pull other’s into their little webs to justify and affirm their narcissistic mentality. I laugh at the ridiculousness and my spidey senses tell me that most of these women do not realize how bat shit crazy they are; it is like going to a free Broadway show every morning!
How to empower ourselves in the face of Woman on Woman victimization:
- Friendships and Family – cut them off at the knees. End it and move on. Rip that band-aid off and just do it. You do not need that negativity in your life and these relationships are replaceable; yes, even family members are replaceable.
- In the Workplace- Do your job and do it well. Do not get caught up in office politics. If your boss is the bully either cast a spell on her or find a new job. In the meantime, just realize that she is extremely wounded, most likely very lonely and a very unhappy person. Knowing this could be victory enough. A life well lived is the best revenge.
- Support girls and women around you – be supportive of the kind females around you. Be kind, compassionate and show other women the generosity of the beautiful heart that you would like to see within others. Even the bully could use some kindness and compassion; you know the saying “Kill Them with Kindness?”, well it applies here and best of all, that kindness will come back to you threefold. Maybe not from the bully, from another loving source.
The moral of my story, love and empower the women around you, let’s start a movement in the right direction. We need to support each other more and hopefully one day the female bullies of the world will be no more. Jupiter in Scorpio has been putting and keeping men in check for the last 12 months. I wish that we do not have to wait another 12 years for Jupiter to return to Scorpio for the Women of the World to get their acts together.
If you can add and contribute advice or share your story, please feel free to comment.