** As an Astrologer who is always researching events to correlate to Astrology, I am taking a look into the charts of public figures, the rich, the famous, the charmed ones to see if there is a common thread in the Planetary Energy and their charts to give us some possible and impossible answers as to the “WHY” they would end their blessed and tortured existence. This research in no way discounts their pain and anguish, but may help yours, especially if you too are feeling this. Please know that I am here, if you need me as are other resources, but being in that place, I too hid my depression and did not want to burden anyone with my problems and feelings – just know that people do care and I am one of them.
**NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE** is anonymous 1-800-273-8255
The loss of two public figures this week gave thought to all the dark days and nights my own soul experienced. Mostly during my last teens and twenties; don’t we all? Never the less, I was always able to keep my head above water, or maybe it was just a nose, periodically to know that although these dark thoughts of ending it all crept in, I never was able to leave those that I loved behind – I never wanted to cause anyone even a smidgen of the pain I was experiencing, so I persevered through it all and trudged on, hoping the Sun would shine again one day; which it always did. I have dipped in and out of these moments most of my life and my doctor has even questioned whether or not I could be clinically depressed. I refused to ever take any prescriptions for my problems – well, those prescribed specifically for my depression, but I was really good at using OPP’s – other peoples prescriptions to escape from the way I felt. It was so easy to take a sleeping pill, have a cocktail and just go to bed because then I did not have to think or deal or feel. And why am I telling the world this deep dark secret of mine? Just so that anyone reading this, feeling these dark feelings knows that everyone, no matter how happy they seem, can go through a dark night of the soul and come out on the other end knowing that the Sun WILL shine again.
I cannot tell you how to get to the light, I can only tell you how I got there. First, it took my Mother’s harsh, tough love to snap me out of my Saturn Return Dark Night of the Soul and remind me that I had a five year old that I needed to have Christmas for; I will spare you the details of having to move back home with my Mother at the age of 27-28 because I could not get out of bed, or eat or function, but her cruel words about how selfish I was being snapped me out of my misery long enough to provide a beautiful, if not one of the best Christmases, for my daughter. It was my favorite Christmas. Then I found Gratitude (I speak about this in numerous blogs and videos on the importance of true Gratitude) and because I began PRACTICING Gratitude, my entire life and my perspective did a complete 360, which now keeps me in perpetual joy. That is not to say that I have moments of sadness and grief over loss and disappointment, but it does not last long and never to the extremes of my Saturn Return. I was lucky. But in all honesty – I hid my depression from my closest friends and work colleagues. Everyone saw someone with the world in the palm of their hand and they never knew, I never shared my feelings because I did not want to appear “Less Than” or “Flawed” “Damaged” “Crazy” and boy I was crazy!
So, with that story shared, I cannot judge the actions and choices that were taken by Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain, Robin Williams, Kurt Cobain, just to name a few, but I do try to wrap my head around the situation and because I am an Astrologer, will always look into how the Planets may have played a role in these decisions.
Anthony Bourdain Birth Chart
Known for his love of food, travel and the finer things in life, Taking a look at Chef Anthony Bourdain’s birth chart, unfortunately, 
time is unknown, so I do not have the Ascendant or the House placements, which any Astrologer knows is the most important part of deciphering a chart, but I immediately notice that he is a 4 degree Cancer Sun- emotional, introvert, the 4 symbolizing a struggle to find his place of belonging. This particular chart shows the Moon at 0 degrees Aquarius, but It could possibly be in Capricorn as is his Black Lilith and this would make sense as Black Lilith is back in Capricorn right now and more specifically, at the same 22 degrees as his natal BL. This would show me that he was very successful emotionally and very good at his decisions, but when that Black Lilith conjuncted his natal, combined with the Grand Trine in Water (his Natal Cancer Sun), this could have triggered some deep and dark emotional turmoil. Having my own Ascendant at 0 degrees Cancer, this Grand Trine took me to some dark and ugly places over the last two weeks so I “get this”. I ruled out Chiron return and Saturn return as they were long past, however, his Saturn return back in 2014 could have triggered a domino effect that we will never be sure of. 2018 has been a difficult year Astrologically as have the past 5 or 6 years, and he most recently back in February, said that he thinks of jumping off a cliff quite often, but has found a sense of happiness recently that he never thought to be possible. That is often the case when we come to a place of peace in our existence and when we decide that we have accomplished “enough”.
Kate Spade birth chart
Kate Spade – The perfect purse designer and mogul and yet 
another neurotic perfectionist, similar to Anthony, has less prominent features in her chart that would show any immediate indicators. Her Saturn Return was not due until next March and she has already passed her Chiron Return. Not knowing her time of birth skews everything, but we do know that she suffered from depression for decades and the Grand Trine in Water may have sent her into the deep recesses of darkness despite the constant smile on her face – see we are all good at hiding our emotions.
Robin Williams birth chart
I felt compelled to look into one more chart – that of beloved 
Robin Williams, even though he has been gone nearly 4 years now. No Saturn Return, No Chiron, however, like Anthony Bourdain, his Black Lilith had returned and that brings the darkness. His BL in Cancer, coupled with his Sun, Moon and Ascendant all in Water Signs, shows me deep emotional turmoil. As a matter of fact, Robin was born with a Grand Trine in Water – do not confuse this with the current Grand Trine, but it is the same energy and coincidentally, at the time of his death, there was a Grand Trine in Water.
Kurt Cobain birth chart
And one final check to my theory on the Grand Trine in Water 
apocalypse – Kurt Cobain, former singer and song writer for the band Nirvana shows me he too was born with a Grand Trine in Water, his Sun and Moon both in Water and at the time of his passing in 1994, there was a Trine in Water between Pisces and Scorpio. One additional surprise (or not) his Black Lilith returned to his Natal BL in Aries at the same time during his darkness.
It is unfortunate and sad when any life ends; there are so many questions that will never be answered, so many questions as to why and the mystery of death itself that we are always looking for some way to figure out this great unknown. Just know that you are loved, just as you are – xoxo Kim –
Here is your Weekly Wisdom – en-JOY!